The Official Bitcoin Billionaire’s Handbook

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Long, long ago, in 2009, a group of proud pioneers began using the independent peer-to-peer electronic cash system known as Bitcoin. Nick Szabo and the Winklevii were among us. It was like the Wild West, a hazy, far-off time when all you could buy with crypto was a Papa John’s large pepperoni and a gram of MDMA on the online black market known as Silk Road.

Now, just about everyone is panning for Bitcoin. More than 100,000 merchants accept it. You can even buy a house in San Francisco with a retractable roof and a Tesla charging station!

Suddenly there’s a fresh new wave of Bitcoin bros joining our khaki-wardrobed ranks, that of the whales: the 4 percent of Bitcoin holders who control 95 percent of the wealth. Before we admit you into our pampered surroundings, we need to make sure you understand our code of honor (insofar as we have one) before the rest of the world jumps on the blockchain train (or the whole thing tanks, whichever comes first).

Like the preps, punks, and robber barons before us, you Fresh Princes of Bit Air must understand that our lifestyle has rules, and any deviation from them could prove ruinous. How do you rush-job a nouveau riche lifestyle in just a few months, especially when you’re not really “new money”—because your money isn’t even money to begin with? We have some tips.

Our Pedigree
A Social Register of our forebears


The Winklevii. The studly and lanky twins, with their Harvard Crew biceps and cauldrons of resentment for Mark Zuckerberg, Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss are everything you should aspire to be, Olympians in embroidered polo shirts who turned an $11 million Bitcoin investment into a cool $1 billion.

Charlie Shrem. Brooklyn computer geek turned ex-con by age 27. Baller. With a look that recalls a frat house bathroom sink covered in beard clippings, Charlie Shrem is a relic from the illicit early days of crypto. He now lives in Sarasota. Net worth: rumored to be near $1 billion, minus legal fees.

Chris Larsen. The co-founder of the financial transaction company Ripple, he is the friendly face of the “financial privacy” movement (no matter how sinister this whole thing may turn out to be). With 5.19 billion XRP (ripples) in personal holdings and a net worth of $37.3 billion, he is richer than Zuckerberg—the ultimate Bit-goal.

Blythe Masters. Wunderkind JP Morgan Chase exec turned CEO of Digital Asset Holdings and blockchain evangelist. Hot, brilliant, and polished. A Burberry trench coat come to life. Net worth: as Helen Mirren would put it, “Deliriously unfathomable.”

Satoshi Nakamoto. The Many-Faced Crypto God. Satoshi Nakamoto is the pseudonymous creator of Bitcoin. Could be anyone. Could be no one. Could be more than one person. Hell—could even be a woman. (Just don’t tell the bros that.)

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